Wedding Gifts Break the Budget?
It's up to grandparents to reign spending in and buy reasonably
Wedding Gifts: Limoge - or Whitewater Rafting?
A special occasion coming up for your favorite adult grandchild, their wedding -- and the gift has to be perfect. You think about the gifts you might have gotten - fine linens, china, cut crystal, housewares. That's appropriate, if it's really what you want to do, but what if the couple has their sights set in a different direction? What if traditional won't cut it?
"Bridal consultants nationwide know that today's bride and groom are older and more settled than in days gone by," says Evelyn Browning, of Browning Bridal Services.
The average couple does not marry right out of high school or even after college. "They are typically, 25, 26 years old. Twenty years ago, couples I worked with were more likely to be 18 or 19," Browning recalls.
She says today's bride or groom may already own a townhome or condo or even a house. Both have probably lived on their own for a time, and they almost certainly have some of the typical items given as wedding presents: Dishes, linens, kitchen basics, furniture.
Browning sees fewer actual gifts presented at weddings, and more envelopes with cash. She believes todays couples have a simpler lifestyle, are more mobile, and may not want the responsibility of caring for fancy household baubles.
Other experts agree that many couples may prefer money to gifts. But some gift-givers think of money as impersonal, requiring no thought and allowing no expression of personal involvement in the giving. So what can you do to satisfy yourself while making the special day memorable for the bride and groom?
Lynzie Hays, former Senior Bridal Consultant for one of the largest wedding consulting firms in the country, says look at the bride's registered gift list. You may be surprised by what you find.
Hays says, "Some women want family heirlooms and traditional gifts, but many are thinking along more unusual lines. Maybe some pretty, functional dinnerware, flatware and glassware with mix and match patterns, serving company and everyday. Maybe romantic things like aroma therapy candles, spa packages, or ballroom dance lessons."
But the hottest trend is dream gifts. No kidding. Hays says couples want white-water rafting trips. They ask for weekend getaways, honeymoon accommodations, and adventure trips. They are looking for stock market funds and mortgage down payment funds instead of three sets of china and 100 pieces of silver plate.
Does it sound like that could at least break your budget for the next year if not drain your entire savings account? Hays and Browning think that isn't necessarily so. The dream gifts are usually set up the way a bank account would be. You can purchase a piece of the gift, in the form of a certificate - in whatever amount you prefer. More personal than cash, but flexible enough to meet any budget.
"Today's seniors, even in the small town areas, are pretty hip about giving gifts," says Hays. "At first, these ideas sound strange to them, but they figure putting their budget into something like this can provide a lasting memory or a great start on a couple's future."
Traditionalists, don't despair! Etiquette gurus insist the gift is purely the giver's choice. In fact, if you don't wish to give a gift at all, that's up to you.
"You are invited as a guest, not a provider," according to Internet wedding coordinator, Rachel Sanfordlyn Shreckengast. "The myth that your gift must equal the cost of your dinner is nonsense."
Experts say traditions are changing but couples still have an interest in the kitchen. The trend is toward durable, high quality cooking accoutrements. More couples are cooking together, and even entertaining in the kitchen, they love good equipment.
Cookware and cutlery are popular - hand forged and lifetime quality. Gift lists often focus on kitchen crafts like bread making or on tools for healthy eating. You might see a braided stoneware bread bowl that bakes in the oven along with the bread then holds it heat to keep the bread warm at the table. Or maybe an ice cream freezer that does two servings without ice or salt.
The list of possibilities is a long as it is varied. Kitchen pros point out that couples have a huge scope of interests. Keep an open mind and let your gift express your personality while complimenting theirs. It's a good idea to talk with the couple or their family to get a feel for their way of thinking. And all agree the best part of any gift is the love and thought that goes into the giving, not the price tag.
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