The person who took care of you now needs to be taken care of. For most people, that's a terrifying realization, fraught with worry, guilt, and uncertainty. Here is a look at some of your options, and some reassurance.
Helping Seniors Stay in Their Own Homes
Most seniors prefer to remain in their own home and often this can be arranged. A medic alert button allows Mom or Dad to summon help, and cost is very reasonable. Part-time or full-time nursing care is expensive but often worth cost. Sometimes all that's necessary is for someone to stop in once a week and monitor vital signs and other needs. If remaining in the home is the top priority and the parent's heath is very poor, live-in care may solve the problem. Caregivers must be carefully screened, and not all elderly people can tolerate having someone else living in their home.
For some seniors, the problem is keeping occupied during the day. In these situations, adult day care can be a godsend, and is often very affordable. Many communities provide these programs, and public transportation is often available. Your parent can make new friends and participate in all sorts of activities, while still returning to his or her own home at night. This option is also excellent if Mom or Dad lives with you, but you need to work during the day.
Another option is to continue with independent living, but to move the senior to an apartment that offers minimal supervision, activities, and the ability to purchase some meals. This is not a good option if your parent is shy and has difficulty making friends, but it can be a wonderful solution for the elderly person who isn't quite ready to give up living alone but can no longer cope with maintaining a house and preparing meals.
Taking a Parent into Your Home
Living with family members can be an excellent solution, but only where all members get along well, and caregivers have the time and energy to take on the challenge. If your spouse hates your mother or your father bullies your children, this is a poor option, and one you will regret. If your parent has dementia or is belligerent, caregiving can be nearly impossible to manage. If you're counting on help from your siblings, make sure everything is agreed upon in advance, in detail. An in-law apartment with a separate entrance is an excellent home addition if you or your parent can afford it, and it will often save everyone's nerves.
Nursing Homes and Assisted Living Facilities
An assisted living facility is a good choice for seniors who are still ambulatory, but need assistance with meals, bathing, or medication. Skilled nursing is usually not available or is available only a a part-time basis. This help guide explains the differences between an assisted living facility and a nursing home and gives you a checklist of factors to consider.
Nursing homes are more expensive and provide more extensive care. They often cost about twice as much as assisted living facilities but are the better choice if your relative needs round-the clock care and the skills of a medical professional. The Aging Parents and Eldercare website give tips on choosing a nursing home.
If your parent has a progressive disease, consider a facility that allows all of these options in one setting. With this type of arrangement, your Mom or Dad might start in a senior apartment, and move to a higher level of care as the need arises. This maintains continuity and eases transitions.
Dealing with Unwanted Advice and Criticism
Relatives and perfect strangers seem to feel it is their right to comment on your choice of care, and will often attempt to make you feel guilty. You can't win this one. If you keep your parent in their own home, they'll complain that it isn't safe. If you choose a nursing home or assisted living facility, they'll complain that you should have taken them in. If you take them in, you'll be accused of mismanaging their funds. Ignore them all, and do what is best for your relative and your own family. You are obligated to be sure your parent has the best possible care and is warm, well fed, and safe. Beyond that, the decision rests on your time and energy, the needs and personality of the parent, and your responsibility to your spouse and children.
Once you have done your homework and carefully considered your options, you'll be able to relax and know that you've chosen the best possible care for your mother or father. Be sure to revisit the situation periodically as your parent's needs change.
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