Just when you thought your kid's were ready to launch, your widowed mother shows up on your doorstep penniless. What should you do? Who is responsible?
Tough questions to ask and even tougher ones to answer, but as the population ages, adult children in the sandwich generation (raising children and caring for elderly parents at the same time) are sometimes faced with this exact situation.
Allie is in her mid-forties. She lives with her husband and three teen-age daughters. Two of her daughters are in university; the youngest in high school. They live in a small mortgaged house. One day, Allie’s 79-year-old father arrives at her door. He is flustered and when she asks him what is wrong, he replies, “I haven’t had enough money to pay my rent in six months. I was evicted this morning. I’ll have to live with you. I know you don’t have a spare room, but I can sleep on the couch.”
There are many reasons why a once comfortable senior might suddenly be unable to support him or herself including:
- unaffordable medical bills
- divorce,
- money mismanagement
- poor health
- insufficient savings to sustain a home
Whatever the reason, statistically, there are now more homeless seniors than ever before. In the last five years, some studies show their numbers have increased by over 200 percent. You won’t see them on the streets, or huddled in back alleys – they are the invisible homeless.
They exist at a sub-poverty level. They live in their cars, or on the couches of friends. They bounce from house to house, too embarrassed to admit the hopelessness of their situation. And in the end, some have no choice but to show up on the doorstep of their already harried sons or daughters.
Difficult as this may be, if your parents are homeless and poor, the responsibility to care for them until subsided housing becomes available is yours. This is very stressful for people who work full time, have a mortgage, and are raising teens. It is especially hard if the relationship between the adult child and the elderly parent is strained.
If you, or someone you know is in this situation, there are several things that can be done to preserve your sanity, your family’s sanity and your relationship with your elderly parent:
- Ensure your parent on the waiting list for subsidized housing
- Contact your church -- many churches provide subsidized senior’s housing or day-care programs
- Contact other charitable organizations in your community; find out what services they offer for seniors.
- Establish boundaries and rules while your elderly parent is living in your home
- Realize it is not forever ant that you are doing the right thing
Remember, your parents devoted years to caring for you. Now it is time to return that love. In doing so, you will teach your own children about kindness, compassion and trust. And who knows, one day you might find yourself in the same situation.
